When will I eventually give up on trying to be perfect? I constantly have thoughts roaming through my head, that nothing good will come to me unless I rid myself of all of my sin and imperfection. Thoughts such as: I'm not ready to adopt until we are completely debt free and are the poster children for Dave Ramsey. I'm not ready to adopt until I lose more weight. I am not ready to adopt until I perfect my ability to homeschool. I am not ready to adopt until I learn how to keep my house spotless every day. I'm not ready to adopt until my quiet time with God isn't phased by my distractions. Those are just to name a few.
It's so difficult to find a balance between trying to be better for the Lord, and trying to attain perfectionism for myself. Do I deserve to have another child in the midst of my mess? Can I be a good mother to TWO children? Will I still be a good wife? Will I still find ample time to spend with the Lord? Or....will I just be a HOT MESS?!?
I have this idea in my head of what it looks like to be the perfect child of God, woman, wife, mother, and friend. And everyday, I wake up hearing the constant nagging in my brain that I need to be better.
Even though I didn't have the pleasure of going to see the Easter production of "Beautiful Mess", I keep coming back to those two words. Does God see me as a beautiful mess? I think so. He sees something that I don't. And for that, I am grateful. In the midst of my mess, he still sees me as beautiful.
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If we all waited until we were perfect (or even "good") at everything, nothing would ever get done! Let it go, girl! However... I know exactly how you feel. :)
ReplyDeleteI struggled with those same thoughts for quite some time! The most freeing thing happened...God revealed to me through some very wise people in our church that by trying to be perfect I am trying to will sanctification by my own flesh and not allowing His spirit to transform me into the me He needs and desires me to be.
ReplyDeleteMy advice...let go, be you- the one God lovingly created and let Him do the work in you. Just keep your eyes and heart focused on Him!
Hi there. My husband and I are very seriously looking into adopting from DRC. I've been doing a lot of google-ing and stumbled across your blog. If you have any tips/words of wisdom you wouldn't mind sharing with me I would really appreciate it! There's so much information and it's a bit overwhelming. I am also really interested to know what agency you are using and how your experience with them has been so far.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I would just really appreciate being able to talk to someone going through the process for DRC.
Best!
Katie
katiekem@yahoo.com