When will I eventually give up on trying to be perfect? I constantly have thoughts roaming through my head, that nothing good will come to me unless I rid myself of all of my sin and imperfection. Thoughts such as: I'm not ready to adopt until we are completely debt free and are the poster children for Dave Ramsey. I'm not ready to adopt until I lose more weight. I am not ready to adopt until I perfect my ability to homeschool. I am not ready to adopt until I learn how to keep my house spotless every day. I'm not ready to adopt until my quiet time with God isn't phased by my distractions. Those are just to name a few.
It's so difficult to find a balance between trying to be better for the Lord, and trying to attain perfectionism for myself. Do I deserve to have another child in the midst of my mess? Can I be a good mother to TWO children? Will I still be a good wife? Will I still find ample time to spend with the Lord? Or....will I just be a HOT MESS?!?
I have this idea in my head of what it looks like to be the perfect child of God, woman, wife, mother, and friend. And everyday, I wake up hearing the constant nagging in my brain that I need to be better.
Even though I didn't have the pleasure of going to see the Easter production of "Beautiful Mess", I keep coming back to those two words. Does God see me as a beautiful mess? I think so. He sees something that I don't. And for that, I am grateful. In the midst of my mess, he still sees me as beautiful.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
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